The Catholic Weekly 3 May 2020

catholicweekly.com.au 12 3, May, 2020 The pain of yearning for the life that will never come - and pass- ing through it to peace - is the theme of Life to the Full. D ebra Vermeer’s search for spiritual nourishment in the darkest moments of her infertility journey has resulted in her first book, Life to the Full: Stories of infertil- ity, faith and a hope-filled fu- ture. The Sydney Catholic jour- nalist says the book, which tells the stories of seven cou- ples, including that of herself and her husband Tony, had a “long gestation” over more than a decade. The idea came to her af- ter she struggled to find an- ything online or in Catholic bookshops to help her meet her pain with faith and hope. “Infertility is not some- thing that’s spoken about much in the church at all, and all the couples in this book have felt that absence and also a kind of loneliness within church life because of it,” Debra told The Catholic Weekly. “At its heart this is a book of hope, and it talks about the way the couples, whose paths were all different, have found fruitfulness in their marriage.” Debra met Tony when he was a widower with two teen- age children, and it became apparent early in their mar- riage that they would not be able to have children togeth- er. Like them, each of the couples featured in the book understand and accept the Church’s teaching against the use of IVF, but Debra says the book is “not about whether to IVF or not to IVF”. “Some of the couples found, and it’s been my expe- rience too, that people gener- ally in the community don’t really understand their deci- sion not to use IVF,” she said. “Some people are even hostile to your decision, the medical community particu- larly can find it challenging, and that can be a strange ex- perience. “But I hope that people who have done IVF unsuc- cessfully, which would be the majority of those trying it, will get something from the book as well,” she said. “In ¾ ¾ Marilyn Rodrigues the end they’re faced with the same question of ‘Well, if we’re not to have a baby, then how will our life be?’. Debra, who has a theology degree, said her initial frus- tration over the many scrip- ture references to God bless- ing infertile couples with children, and the Church’s teaching on marriage includ- ing its ordering to children who are its ‘supreme gift’ led her to seek wisdom from others and reflect deeply on her own experience of God’s love. “One big question that couples have is ‘We under- Never forsaken A new book aims to help fill a gap in resources for couples whomourn, as they come to terms with infertility and the loss of their dreams stand children are a gift; why have we not been blessed with that gift?’ which may lead to the question ‘Have we been forsaken by God?’ “So those questions were in the back of our mind as well.” Eventually Debra and Tony were able to contextu- alise their situation in light of their Christian faith, and appreciate the other ways in which their marriage has given life to others, although there continue to be sad mo- ments. “This book was born from prayer,” she said. “I prayed a lot about it, about whether I should do it, about the vul- nerability that would be in- volved, telling someone our intimate story. “I can’t thank enough the couples who were so gen- erous and open in telling their stories. “They also, like me, just wanted to encourage oth- ers because they had also found a lack of a certain en- couragement or acknowl- edgement even in church life about their situation.” Life to the Full is pub- lished by St Paul’s Publi- cations, Strathfield, NSW. It retails for $24.95 and is available from religious bookstores, or direct from the St Paul’s website https ://secure.stpauls. com.au. It is also available as a eBook on kindle and Apple iBooks. One big question couples have is ‘We understand children are a gift; why have we not been blessed with that gift?’ which may lead to the question ‘Have we been forsaken by God?’ Debra Vermeer